50 Hilarious Tech Jokes to Brighten Your Day
Are you having a bad day and feel like you could use something to lighten up? How about some tech jokes? Are you thinking there are no funny tech jokes? I present to you a top 50 hilarious tech jokes that will surely make you have some fun.
#1. Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It's a hardware problem.
#2. Why was the computer tired when it got home?
It had a "hard drive."
#3. I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said: "I want you to try and sell this to me." So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home. Eventually, he called my mobile and said: "Bring it back here, right now!" I said: "100 dollars, and it's yours."
#4. How does a computer get drunk?
He takes screenshots.
#5. A wife sends her husband an SMS on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen." Her husband replies: "Pour some warm water over them." Sometime later, the husband receives an answer from his wife: "The computer is completely broken now."
#6. You know you’re spending too much time on the computer when a fly lands on the screen, and you try to kill it with the cursor.
#7. Wi-Fi went down during family dinner tonight. One of the kids started talking, and I didn't know who he was.
#8. Me using the Siri app on my iPhone: Me: "Siri, call my wife." Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts." Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife." Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife." Me: "Call my wife." Siri: "Which wife?"
#9. I decided to make my password "incorrect" because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me: "Your password is incorrect."
#10. Have you ever noticed how fast Windows-95/98/XP/Vista are? Yeah... Neither have I.
#11. A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the First house of the street. A tall lady answered the door. Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet. "Madam, if I could not clean this up within 5 minutes with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this dung!" exclaimed the eager salesman. "Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that?" asked the lady. The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?" "There's no electricity in the house…" said the lady.
#12. Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator? She couldn't find the 10 button.
#13. My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
#14. During the French Revolution, three men were condemned to the guillotine. One was a preacher, one was a doctor, and the third was an engineer. When the preacher approached the deadly machine, he requested to be beheaded while lying on his back so that he could die while looking into heaven. The doctor and the engineer thought that to be a good idea and requested the same. As the knife plunged down the track toward the preacher, it suddenly jammed just short of the man's neck. The executioner declared it an act of God and let the man go free. The same thing happened to the doctor. As the engineer laid his head back in the place, he suddenly said: "Wait! I see the problem! Look up there where the rope has jumped out of the pulley groove!"
#15. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe? I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.
#16. What does Microsoft mean? Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers (Microsoft)
#17. Focus on the problems and focus on the solution.
When NASA started to launch astronauts, they found out that pens wouldn’t work when there’s no gravity. To solve this huge problem, they hired Andersen Consulting, now Accenture. It took a decade and 12 million dollars. They managed to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, underwater, in almost any surface including crystal, and in many different temperatures from bellow 0 to more than 300º C.
The Russians used a pencil.
#18. My Wifi stopped working, and I didn’t understand why. Then I realized that my neighbors haven’t paid the bill. How irresponsible people are.
#19. Never let your computer know that you’re in a hurry. Computers can smell fear. They slow down if they know that you’re running out of time.
#20. Two friends are talking when one of them says: “Did you know that Microsoft bought Skype for more than 10 million dollars?” The other is surprised and replies: "Really? Why? They could have downloaded it from the internet for free!”
#21. There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don’t.
#22. Why is it that Apple users never get sick? Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
#23. What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? Guardians of the Galaxy.
#24. An engineer, a mathematician, and a computer programmer are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The engineer says that they should buy a new car. The mathematician says they should sell the old tire and buy a new one. The computer programmer says they should drive the car around the block and see if the tire fixes itself.
#25. What does SPAM mean? Successfully Pestering Advertising Material.
#26. How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6 plus? Don't worry, they'll let you know.
#27. Me: “Cortana, get me today’s movie times.” Siri: "Who is Cortana?" Me: “Oops. I meant Siri.” Siri: “Who is Cortana?” Me: “Please get me the movie times.” Siri: “Maybe you should ask Cortana for the movie times.”
#28. My iPhone fell from the 20th floor. Good thing it was in airplane mode.
#29. There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “great,” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!” He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
#30. Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas? Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC
#31. What do you call 8 hobbits? A hobbyte.
#32. There's a band called 1023MB . They haven't had any gigs yet.
#33. Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
#34. Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
#35. Me: "Siri, where is the best place to hide a body?"
Siri: "The second page of a Google search."
#36. "Dad, what are clouds made of?"
"Linux servers, mostly."
#37. Internet Explorer goes shopping:
"Do you need help, Sir?"
"No, just browsing."
#38. Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were Prime mates.
#39. Q: What do you call an iPhone that isn’t kidding around?
A: Dead Siri-ous
#40. Computers are Like Men... In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
#41. Computers are Like Women... No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.
#42. I love pressing F5. It's so refreshing.
#43. A password cracker walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Then a Beer. Then a BEER. beer. b33r. BeeR. Be3r. bEeR. bE3R. BeEr.
#44. Q: How did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
A: It was Ok .
#45. I was dressed up as a UDP packet for the Halloween. I don’t think anyone got it, but I couldn’t tell.
#46. Did you know that the first computer dates back to Adam and Eve? It was an Apple with limited memory. Just one byte. And then everything crashed.
#47. Sorry but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin.
#48. Programming is like sex; one mistake and you have to support for a lifetime.
#49. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re going to pay for it. You have my Word.
#50. A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.